I’m a big believer in self-help. And I’m a big believer in “thinking outside the box.” One of the best ways to solve challenges you’re having is to think outside the box. Sometimes it’s difficult to recognize the box you’ve built for yourself though. We often mistake our limiting beliefs (boxes) for reality. Here’s what to do…
When To Get Help And When To Tackle A Problem Yourself
A lot of times people ask me whether or not they should tackle a particular issue themselves. Here, we’ll talk about when it’s useful to work on yourself, what issues you can deal with yourself and when it might be a good idea to go to a professional hypnotherapist or NLP practitioner.
I personally don’t think it matters so much what the problem is. To me, the important factor is whether or not you can get out of your own mental and emotional space in order to find solutions. Here’s what I mean…
Where we’re stuck in life most likely has to do with our constellation of beliefs, feelings and abilities related to that context. Let me give you an example. Here’s an email a friend of mine received about a guy (I’ll call him Sam) who’d been having problems finding a relationship…
“I’ve tried everything multiple times but I just can’t seem to get a woman to go on a date. I’m 38 now and feel hopeless when it comes to meeting women.
I’ve tried asking more than 15 women out on dates and none have said yes. They all make excuses. Am I so unlikable?
No matter how many times I try it doesn’t work. I tried on line dating services and it doesn’t work. I’m a good guy and I’m what you might call average looking. But I gave up the idea of meeting a woman years ago because women just don’t like me. I don’t have any problem approaching women and asking them out but they always turn me down. It seems to me to be an impossible situation.”
Now, most people would give this guy advice about what to do. But let me ask you this…
How likely is he to succeed with his current attitude, his beliefs and the feelings he has about meeting someone? How likely would any advice be to get through to him?
What Does This Have To Do With Self-Help
Well, you can do affirmations, for instance. But if you have a belief that runs counter to those affirmations, you’ll be fighting an uphill battle. The fellow I mentioned could stand in front of the mirror and say, “Every day in every way, I’m getting better and better at meeting women.” His mind would then answer back, “Dude, you know that’s impossible.”
The problem comes when your goals go against beliefs you have inside you.
Self-Hypnosis For Re-Programming
With hypnosis, what we want to do is bypass the part of the mind that evaluates whether something is true or not and get the messages to the part of the mind that’s responsible for maintaining our beliefs. If we can get the message past the analytical gatekeeper and get the mind to accept it, we’ve taken a big step.
If a person can do that in self-hypnosis, then self-help will probably do the trick.
What If You Can’t Get Out Of Your Own Way?
If you’re using a self-help technique and you can’t get out of your own way, then you might want to consider some professional help. In other words, if you find yourself defaulting back to old patterns, beliefs and feelings, what you’re doing probably isn’t working.
Also, a pro can help you recognize beliefs that are getting in your way that you may not even realize you have! And professionals might have multiple techniques for changing patterns. And that’s good because different things work for different people.
PS: There are lots of cases when you should consider talking to a doctor or a mental health professional before you start a self-help regimen. As an example, insomnia can be caused by an underlying medical condition and it would be best to rule those conditions out (or treat them) before you decided to go the self-help route.
I think your point about thinking “outside the box” is an important element, perhaps THE important element. Whether self-help or getting help from someone else, a paradigm shift is almost always necessary…often for the approach to “help” itself. I have had clients that were constantly seeking professional help, therapist after therapist, therapy after therapy, without ever realizing that ultimately it is ALL self-help. The professional’s job SHOULD be to help the client find what works for them, and help them see what they haven’t been able to see on their own. But if the thing they have tried over and over has been looking outside themselves for a solution, perhaps helping them realize that even with professional help they are ultimately helping themselves, would be the most useful thing someone could do for them.
I appreciate how you acknowledge that the relationship between expectation and experience works both ways, since this is often overlooked. You also mention how accepting messages that your logical side would normally discount is the first step toward change. Since both self-hypnosis and professional hypnosis can be effective, how do you know when you’ve gone as far as you can on your own, and that it’s time to call in the professionals?
I think the question of when it’s time to call in the professionals is an individual one. “When you get stuck” would be a good general answer.
And you’re absolutely right–we tend to reinforce what we believe by filtering out information that does not contradict our beliefs. Mo too.
I did immaginary training (sprints) in autohypnotic state
and after I got pain in muscles that wasn’t immaginary
I have tried for over 8 years to find one single hypnotherapist who will give me the suggestion that I wil have faith in god and it will grow.Most so called enablers simply use hypnotherapy a a way of playing god and taking control over others lives.Out of over 60 therapists contacted aall wanted to take control of my life w\away from me and cal it helping me.No respect for my religion-you’re stupid so we will change your god to the fake one.no respect for anything bout MY LIFE. I am now writing and having my own scripts recorded we shall see how that result works out– AS I DAMNE WELL KNOW THAT IT WILL.
Well, that’s sort of a strange request, in my book. Why would you need to be told to have faith in god? You mean, you don’t have faith and you want to? Hypnotherapists will try to change your god to the fake one? So, hypnotherapists all worship a fake god and try to make you do so too and you know this because you talked to 60 of them and they didn’t want to do what you wanted them to?
The hypnotherapists I know have all different kinds of religious beliefs–just like the rest of the population. Any one of them that’s worth their salt, doesn’t push their religious agenda (or atheistic beliefs) on anyone. You don’t sound like the kind of person I’d like to work with either. Good luck with your scripts.
PS: Let me rephrase a little bit. I may have come across a bit too harshly. You sound frustrated and I understand why. You have what to you is a simple request and it seems like no one wants to help you with it. But hypnotherapists get to choose what kind of work we do. As for me, this wouldn’t be an issue I’d be comfortable working with. Perhaps others feel the same way. I, for one, have no desire whatsoever to take control of your life. I have no desire to change your god to ‘the fake one’ as I don’t feel qualified to make anyone’s religious decisions for them.
Reading what you have written makes sense to me but why did it take over twenty two years to find this out? I feel happier now with a strong feeling of relief thank you